"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." Mosiah 3:19 (emphasis added)
Last week as I sat in church the spirit brought this scripture to my mind from two different directions. The first was the phrase about becoming like a little child. This scripture describes children as "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things...." I would add that children are resilient and joyful, even choosing joy over bitterness when they face hardship.
I want to be like that. I often think how silly it is to be sad, even when I know it's not logical. I literally choose sadness and anger over choosing to let things go and be happy. How dumb, right?
I read a blog post from my sister today that reminded me of another thing the Spirit has been teaching me lately: giving yourself grace. Her post described how we beat ourselves up when we are imperfect. We label ourselves negative things, when in reality we should be recognizing our eternal potential and allowing for shortcomings in the meantime.
The natural man
I have always divided my sense of self into two beings: my spirit and my natural man. My spirit is a sweet, naturally kind and happy person. My natural man is a cavewoman ready to knock some heads together. Only one can be in control at a time. Unfortunately, I think the natural man has dictated my choices more and more through marriage and motherhood.
I follow my husband's line of thought (the Gospel of Greg) as it pertains to evolution. I can understand a divine plan that includes the natural evolution of humanity. It actually makes a lot of sense to me. And as I consider my own actions and shortcomings through that lens, I am able to grant myself more grace.
Our base and natural instincts can seem overly emotional and violent. That is literally the design of our "natural man." Those instincts protect us. As a single cave lady I think those instincts were more dormant, because I rarely felt threatened. In marriage, I've had to put a lot of trust in a cave guy. He's always in my cave, around my food, and closest to my physical person.
In many species of animal, females are often solitary unless they're mating or raising young. Males can often be threats to their food or their babies. It only makes sense that instinct drives them to be on high alert and reactive to males. I realized in the first years of marriage that I was very sensitive. I was very quick to anger with Greg, and I had zero tolerance for any indication of aggression from him (i.e., when he'd get reasonably grumbly back at me).
I reflect on that now and regret those impulses, but it was also very much an adjustment period. I was allowing this human into the most intimate parts of me emotionally, physically, everything. For a cave lady that's a serious risk to take. What if I showed this cave guy where I picked berries, and he took all my berries? Ya know?
Motherhood took that and just multiplied it. Cave guys and ladies could knock their young around to keep 'em in order. And with good reason! Those little people are noisy, messy, and all over the place! That noise is going to draw predators. That mess is going to block your escape. If they're running all over, there's a good chance they're going to get nabbed by predators or competitive cave people. Those little cave people need kept in line!
Of course now we realize that we can't knock our kids around if we want them to be emotionally healthy people. Parenting these days requires a lot more self-regulation, intention, and patience. It's really hard, because high emotions and hitting (common themes of young humans) are also a quick way to send any human into their instinct-driven fight-or-flight mode. That's an age-old response, and not easy to overcome.
All of this is, in my opinion, the "natural man" we are being asked to cast off. Not only to cast it off, but to replace it with something better: a saint.
Those natural instincts aren't bad. They kept cavemen alive for a loooong time. But they aren't what is going to bring us the joy of connection with our loved ones. We don't need them anymore. It's time to evolve away from them and become better.
How do we do that? How do we cast off millennia of survival instinct? As the scripture says, "[become] a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord." The atonement is about change. It's about becoming a new creature in Christ. Just like the evolution of millennia, this isn't a quick process. Maybe it's a matter of daily adaptation. We try new Christ-like traits each day, intentionally putting that change (the atonement, Christ) at the forefront of our minds until we start realizing actual change. "Fake it 'til you make it" as they say.
I honestly believe the only way I can change is through the miracle of the atonement. What else can overcome the natural imperative to survive than the Lord God who has overcome death entirely? The natural man will help you live now. Christ will help you live forever. I think it's an obvious choice.
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